"Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps"

"Let's pretend that we'll be here tomorrow 
And I'll try for you to be a little more on time ...
Let's do the things we normally do ... Don't hold my hand for longer than you need to."

- 'Let's Do the Things We Normally Do", Dido.

Why is it so very difficult to say exactly what you want? It's much easier to tread gingerly around what you are trying to convey, and hope that the other person will eventually comprehend what you really mean. Is it the fear of revealing your true needs, and thus rendering yourself vulnerable that prevents you from pointing at the heart of the matter, and placing it on the table for discussion? Or do you balk at the idea of your real requirements being rejected? Besides, it's feasible to formulate excuses for the other person ("They mustn't have understood what I was trying to say") when you haven't laid all your cards on the table.With the truth, however, one is forced to act, and abandon one's rationalisations about the responses one receives to the aforementioned truth.



Then again, can you ever be entirely certain about what you truly, absolutely need? Certain enough to let go of   people who cannot fulfill that need?

Hit me, baby, er, for the first time?

Tragic accounts of relationships gone sour seem to abound. Everyone either has their own story, or knows a friend of a friend of a friend who does. It makes me wonder whether Carrie Bradshaw's assertion in a Sex and the City episode wasn't as ludicrous as it initially sounded - "Maybe we were better off when we thought less, and kissed more."

Lately, I've been thinking about, well, thinking! And the over-analysis most of us seem to dabble in more and more frequently. It's becoming increasingly difficult for me to distinguish between the times there really is a problem, and the times when I'm just creating one due to a self-induced implosion in my mind. As self-deprecating or masochistic as it may sound, I can't help but feel pretty certain that the so-called issue is usually due to the latter. This is mainly because, more often than not, two days after addressing a "problem", I begin to see the futility and insignificance of what seemed like such a grave concern a few days ago. 

I agree, a refusal to address what rankles isn't the most sound advice. It leads to pent-up emotions, which will find a vent in one way or the other. But think about it. Despite the minor grouses now and then, the fact remains that I like you, and you like me (and I don't mean romantic relationships alone). No amount of "discussion and deliberation" about "complications" will change that. Or if my feelings or yours have already altered, a conversation won't be sufficient to change that either. What one really needs, in my opinion, is a way to rid oneself of all those sapping negative emotions.

At the risk of attracting the ire of feminists everywhere, I can't help but be drawn to physical violence as a solution and substitute to the "We need to talk" conversations! Smacking someone is less messy than talking about "feelings", it's utterly satisfying, and it's cathartic beyond imagination. Besides, I need an excuse to pull a Tyler Durden and solemnly say, "I want you to hit me as hard as you can." 

Promise I will be forever yours
Promise not to say another word
Nevermind whats done is done

- 'Still', Foo Fighters.

Cliché (or Touché?)

There are far too many questions, and nowhere to turn for answers (Wikipedia has its limitations). Or so it seems, at least. You suspect that the Answer, the Sign, the insert-another-vague-term-here is glaring at you menacingly a few inches from your face, but you're refusing to acknowledge its presence.

"And I saw it coming
I saw emptiness and tragedy
And I felt like running
So far away
But knew I had to stay
And I know when I'm older
I'll look back and I'll still feel the pain
I know I'll be stronger and I know I'll be fine
For the rest of my days"


- Pete Murray


Agreed, this period of transition is highly...? You can barely find the words to describe the absolute havoc its wreaking, how on earth are you supposed to endure it? Nevertheless, the fact remains that you can either: sink or swim, linger or run, stand still, dumbstruck, or walk away meditatively towards, what you hope are, greener pastures.


Yes, there will be days when your options are limited to just one (and that's not exactly the enjoyable one; it probably includes lying flat on your back, and fantasising about how you can replicate the ancient Japanese suicide ritual called Hara kiri by shoving a sword into your abdomen and slicing your digestive system neatly - Wikipedia has its benefits, too), but, though you can't or won't see them, the other options are right there, waiting to be considered. And they're much easier to execute than locating a sword would be.


So... Sink or swim?
You choose to float for a while.


"Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies"


- Youth Group/Alphaville

(Picture courtesy: www.xkcd.com)

Double-edged Sword

You can't live with it, you can't live without it.
You realise that you've surpassed the proverbial "point of no return" by miles and miles.
Trapped?
Completely.

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding