Hit me, baby, er, for the first time?

Tragic accounts of relationships gone sour seem to abound. Everyone either has their own story, or knows a friend of a friend of a friend who does. It makes me wonder whether Carrie Bradshaw's assertion in a Sex and the City episode wasn't as ludicrous as it initially sounded - "Maybe we were better off when we thought less, and kissed more."

Lately, I've been thinking about, well, thinking! And the over-analysis most of us seem to dabble in more and more frequently. It's becoming increasingly difficult for me to distinguish between the times there really is a problem, and the times when I'm just creating one due to a self-induced implosion in my mind. As self-deprecating or masochistic as it may sound, I can't help but feel pretty certain that the so-called issue is usually due to the latter. This is mainly because, more often than not, two days after addressing a "problem", I begin to see the futility and insignificance of what seemed like such a grave concern a few days ago. 

I agree, a refusal to address what rankles isn't the most sound advice. It leads to pent-up emotions, which will find a vent in one way or the other. But think about it. Despite the minor grouses now and then, the fact remains that I like you, and you like me (and I don't mean romantic relationships alone). No amount of "discussion and deliberation" about "complications" will change that. Or if my feelings or yours have already altered, a conversation won't be sufficient to change that either. What one really needs, in my opinion, is a way to rid oneself of all those sapping negative emotions.

At the risk of attracting the ire of feminists everywhere, I can't help but be drawn to physical violence as a solution and substitute to the "We need to talk" conversations! Smacking someone is less messy than talking about "feelings", it's utterly satisfying, and it's cathartic beyond imagination. Besides, I need an excuse to pull a Tyler Durden and solemnly say, "I want you to hit me as hard as you can." 

Promise I will be forever yours
Promise not to say another word
Nevermind whats done is done

- 'Still', Foo Fighters.

Here is Now

The question of whether or not one should take drastic measures to protect oneself has been meandering around my mind lately. Should I feel obliged to my future self, and extricate myself from any potentially hurtful situation? Or should I continue to adhere to "carpe diem" (thank you, Dead Poets Society)? The answer, I suppose, is only logical. If you are aware that by doing xyz, you will wind up wounded, it is solely your responsibility to swiftly shy away from the aforementioned xyz.

There is, of course, a catch. Nothing is so very conveniently "cut and dry" in the Real World. There are no labels declaring, 'DISASTROUS' (or 'DELIGHTFUL') on individuals and/or situations, to indicate their impact on one's future. Most of us lesser mortals simply proceed based on our intuition, or learn to "read the signs" (For example, a date who seems to develop a nervous twitch in the presence of law-enforcing individuals is definitely a terrible sign, and must be abandoned; or kept on the bench until desperate, desperate times). However, situations usually acquire an incredibly complex nature, baffling the intuition. The signs, too, are ambivalent at best. At times like these, though it is slightly mortifying to admit, I often resort to Sheryl Crowe's wise words: "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad/ If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?"

Yes, I do indeed worry about the days to come, and how they might be far beyond my depth. I worry, too, about biting off an amount, which, far from being chew-able, is most likely to induce severe choking. Nevertheless, I strive to remind myself that in the "Present misery v/s Future misery" debate, I have chosen to support the latter. Besides, why assume that I will be overwhelmed with unhappiness at all? Isn't it highly fatalistic to undermine oneself to such an extent? As clichéd as it may sound, but right here, right now, is really all we have.

"They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary."
- The Dead Poets Society.


(On a ligher vein)


"I SOUND MY BARBARIC YAWP OVER THE ROOFTOPS OF THE WORLD."